I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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