Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
