The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
