escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
We smell like vodka and hangover
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