i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
