I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
