He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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