My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Randomize
