nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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