D3 body, D1 cock
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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