ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
