when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
