Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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