I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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