After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
