You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
