I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
