Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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