sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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