Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
