if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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