So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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