You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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