I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
