i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
