Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
