as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
