A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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