it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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