Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
