Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
