Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
