Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize