If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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