Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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