life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
foreskin is a definite game changer
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
