the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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