So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
