oh god the rape fog is back!
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
