What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Someone shattered a urinal.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize