operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize