At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
