yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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