your thong is hanging out like whoa
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
