I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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