apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
