naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
