i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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