the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
