By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
