she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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