Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
