??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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