And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
