I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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