WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
