You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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