you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
