I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die, sorry about rent.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
