You're completely useless in the revolution.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
