therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
