I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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